one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
