HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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