He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
