There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
