After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
