we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
