I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
