M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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