Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
