Swine flu. Run for my life!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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