Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
