why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sext me about skeletons
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
