I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
