I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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