I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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