Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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