Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
