I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the condom got lost in my hair
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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