Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
