my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
