"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
