i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
