this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
