you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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