Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a beard to bite.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
