who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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