So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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