I want to have your abortion
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
