Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
