Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
