I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
