dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
