sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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