all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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