Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
