took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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