the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
