C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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