I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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