Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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