The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
