if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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