the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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