I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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