I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
