i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
