he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i out mim tonsoeep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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