life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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