eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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