she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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