hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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