i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
