Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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