i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
